THIS IS A SATIRE!
This time, I was hired as a “contract killer”….Yes, other people have “bad neighbors” too!
You work hard all day and when you finally get home, you don´t collapse on the couch, but take care for your loved ones and work in the garden, to make your dream of a private little paradise come true.
But we have another saying here: “The devil always has his slippery tail in between!” And so he sends the “neighbors from hell”!
They lurk behind the shrubs with eyes full of hate and envy!
Then they come to complain about all and everything…
And if they don´t come in person, they wait until you´re outside, then open all doors and windows and turn on the radio, to drive you crazy…With hit songs and yodeling…
So your desperation grows…And you´re looking for some help!
In a situation like this, it´s always good to have a friend who has…well…”some experience” in things like that…
A person, who exactly knows, what to do…
“First, you need to buy a lot of foil!” And then…
“…there are some jobs, better done by men!”
“…And others done by women!”
“Isn´t that venomous spider lovely? I just milked it!”
“All you have to do now, is let the neighbor come close enough, to let him have our little surprise….Make sure, he won´t scream!”
“Well done! It´s always good, if one does the job thoroughly!”
“Meanwhile, your spouse will put on her best little black dress and “socialize” a bit…She´ll give the neighbor´s wife a nice “conciliation gift” and encourage her, to consume it now, before her husband comes in….That woman will be greedy enough, to take her advice. Then we just have to wait for a little while…
“Success! Now all we have to do, is a good, efficient wrapping! If you don´t want a flower-stone bed in your own garden, just take the cart and wheel them into the woods! But be careful: Don´t let the surviving neighbors see you! It might give them ideas! Now you have to dig as deep as possible…And don´t forget to burry the radio as well!”
” Finish your work with some lovely stones, you might find in the woods!”
The yodeling became silent. Peace is back. Hopefully this time forever…Well… there is some foil left, just in case….